inner peace

06
Mar
2023
Maintaining Your Mental Health

Maintaining Your Mental Health

Being happy in life starts with good mental health. If we don’t have that, we won’t be happy. It is easy to get caught up in placing our attention on things that we want in life, rather than being content and grateful for what we already have. We think that once I get this or that I will be happy. And you might be, for a while. Until the mind feels that it needs something else in order to be happy. That is a cycle that never ends.

Good mental health means having peace of mind. It is normal and natural to feel stress, anxious, or down at times. But with good mental health we are able to recognize why we are feeling that way and promptly make the changes to feel better again. You return to a place of being comfortable within yourself and having inner peace regardless of what might be going on around you.

 

How does a person become mentally healthy?

Mental health is similar to physical health in that we need to do something to have it. Being physically fit does not come from doing nothing. It requires doing something every day to build and maintain it. Mental health is the same. It doesn’t happen by itself; we need to do something to get it and keep it.

Many people will put the effort and commitment into getting in shape, mentally or physically, but don’t maintain it. Somehow, they think that now that they have it they will always have it. We know that in order to keep it we need to continue to make it part of our daily lives. Once we make this commitment it no longer feels life effort. It’s a daily habit just as brushing our teeth or taking a shower is. We grow to look forward to it because of how good we feel when we do it.

 

Here are few things that will help build and maintain good mental health:

  • Start your morning off by sitting quietly. Notice the silence in the room. Let your mind be still, free from thought. Or sit outside and place your attention on nature. The trees, flowers, bushes, the breeze. Just notice them without thought.
  • Go online or get a book of Daily Affirmations. Take a few minutes to really take in what that positive daily message is and focus on that throughout the day. This is especially helpful when negative thoughts try to pull you along into thinking about them.
  • Be aware of what you are putting into your body. Sugar, processed foods, and fast foods have a big impact on our mental and physical health. You will notice and feel the difference as you begin to eat healthier.
  • Nature is mentally and emotionally healing. Spend as much time as you can outside on a daily basis.
  • Exercise has a large impact on our mental health. Make strength training, cardiovascular exercise, and stretching part of your daily life.
  • Go to therapy. Therapy can identify whatever it is that is limiting you from enjoying your life and having inner peace. If you have been in therapy previously, you may just need two or three sessions to get you back on track.

Take the steps to build and maintain good mental health. Start today! You have the discipline and self-motivation to do it. Do it every day until it becomes a natural part of your life. You will soon find yourself looking forward to it because of how good it makes you feel. You deserve it!

Posted by David Schlagter, LCSW in Individual Therapy
21
Nov
2022
Why Men Don’t Express Their Feelings

Why Men Don’t Express Their Feelings

In order to express our feelings, we need to be able to identify them. Our basic core feelings are fear, anger, sadness, shame, guilt, and happy. Every person on the planet has these feelings regardless if they can identify them by name or not. They are neither right or wrong or good or bad. They are just feelings and we don’t judge them. We allow ourselves, and others to have their feelings. Our feelings belong to us and we are entitled to have them. We are also responsible for our feelings and how we manage and express them. No one can do that for us. And we can’t do that for anyone else.

People sometimes say that they don’t have any fear. But they do identify with worrying about this or that. Worry is a form of fear. Other times they will say that they are not angry they are just irritated or annoyed. This is a form of anger. Feeling hurt about something someone said or did is most closely related to the core feeling of sadness.

Feelings are a very deep part of who we are as human beings.

When we are cut off from our feelings or deny them, we are cutting ourselves off from a significant part of who we are. Unresolved feelings and repressed feelings many times lead to anxiety, depression, and physical illnesses.

Men typically have more difficulty than women feeling and expressing their feelings.

Males tend to hear and receive messages as young boys such as “don’t be a baby”, “stop crying”, or other shaming messages. As they get older the messages are “be a man”, “don’t show your feelings”, “be strong.” You don’t need to continue living your life believing those false messages. You can make a choice today to begin changing your reality about what a man really is. More and more men from all walks of life are taking this step.

Men were led to believe that they weren’t real men if they had feelings such as fear or sadness.

But the reality is they did and do have these feelings. But what happened when they tried to deny those feelings or stuff them? The feelings began to multiply and layer one on top of the other. Years of unresolved feelings of sadness, fear, shame, and guilt began to surface causing mental, emotional, and physical suffering.

Men thought that being angry and showing aggression somehow made them more of a man.

They used this anger to control others including their wives and children. It pushed their loved ones away from them and destroyed their marriages and families. Others, turned to alcohol and/or drugs to try to cope with these feelings only to wake up the next morning with additional feelings of guilt and shame.

Men, it is ok to feel your feelings.

It doesn’t make you less of a man it makes you more of a man. It makes you a whole person again. It takes courage and inner strength to move past the fear of what we think others might thing of us if we acknowledge that we feel sad or fear.

Here are some benefits of being willing and able to identify and express your feelings:

  • You will feel emotionally lighter, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And you won’t feel as bound up physically and emotionally.
  • You will be better able to work through challenges that come into your life. When you are feeling stressed or struggling about something you can ask yourself, “what am I feeling right now?” Identifying the core feeling will provide a roadmap to working through the issue you are facing.
  • You will feel happier. Repressed feelings cover up and block us from feeling our natural feelings of happiness. They are like dark clouds covering the sun. Once the clouds are removed the sun appears.
  • Better relationships. We are communicating at the deepest part of who we are when we are willing and able to express our feelings accurately. That leads to a much deeper emotional connection with our loved ones. Without it, the relationship becomes very shallow and stale. Your wife or significant other will love that you are able to talk on a deeper level, sharing your feelings, and also inquiring and being interested in hers as well.
  • Helps with conflict resolution. When couples are arguing and fighting you will frequently see that most of what is being said to the other person is coming out as anger. Immediately, the other person becomes defensive and the communication shuts down from there. Understanding that anger is almost always masking some form of fear and/or sadness is extremely important and helpful in managing conflict. The whole conversation changes when we can identify and tell our partner what we are really feeling.

You don’t need to continue living your life trying not to feel your feelings or having everything coming out as anger. As you make this change it can dramatically change your life and the lives of those you love and care about.

 

David Schlagter, LCSW

Posted by David Schlagter, LCSW in Individual Therapy
10
Oct
2022
6 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

6 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have. We are with ourselves every minute of our lives. When we like and love who we are we will be content and at peace and life becomes so much better. High self-esteem is obtainable for you regardless of what you’ve been through or what you’ve done in the past. Life will always be a struggle until we get to this point.

Many times, people will seek relationships so they can feel good about themselves. They think that if they have someone who “loves” them then all will be good in their world. But how can someone truly love us if we don’t love ourselves? The relationship can quickly turn to trying to be who you think that person wants you to be As a result, you never knowing who really are. In other words, a co-dependent relationship.

 

What Causes Low Self-Esteem?

So, what causes low self-esteem? Simply put, it’s negative thoughts about ourselves. These negative thought patterns usually develop early in life. Maybe you grew up in a family where there was fighting, arguing, and name calling. Or maybe it was an environment where whatever you did it was never good enough. Maybe there were choices you made in your life that you feel guilt or shame about, and you constantly relive those memories harshly judging yourself.

Most everybody struggles with not feeling good enough about themselves in some way. The difference is that some people have more positive thoughts than negative thoughts and with others it is just the opposite, more negative thoughts and in some cases all negative thoughts.

 

6 Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem

Make the following suggestions part of your daily life and begin feeling better about yourself. There is no limit to how good you can feel!

*Always choose to have good thoughts about yourself. The old negative thought patterns will try to enter your consciousness but you don’t have to entertain them. Replace them immediately with positive thoughts. These positive, uplifting thoughts will begin to replace the negative thought patterns and eventually will become a natural part of your thinking.

*Look for the positive in everything. Yes, there is a positive in everything if you look for it. Maybe we’ve done something in the past that we don’t feel good about. Maybe we needed to experience that thing to help us realize that we don’t want to live that way anymore. Sometimes we grow the most from the mistakes that we’ve made.

*Refuse to judge yourself. Always choose to lift yourself up instead of putting yourself down. Be kind, loving, and forgiving to yourself. Realize that you are human. You’ve made mistakes, we’ve all made mistakes. Let’s learn what we need to from them and move forward as a better person.

*Do what you say you’re going to do and always speak the truth. We are not going to feel as good about ourselves as we could if we are not taking care of our responsibilities or not being truthful.

*Have a daily exercise program. Vigorous exercise is one of the best ways to feel good about who we are. It’s a feeling of accomplishment and also knowing that we are doing something for ourselves that makes us feel good physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.

*Always make choices that are going to contribute to feeling good about yourself. Whatever you are about to do, think it all the way through. Ask yourself, “am I going to feel better about myself or worse from the choice I’m about to make”.

 

You Deserve to Love Yourself

Helping people build or rebuild their self-esteem is something that I am passionate about. Please feel free to contact me at 954-540-4583 or online if you have any questions or would like to schedule an appointment.

Posted by David Schlagter, LCSW in Individual Therapy
04
Aug
2022
How to Manage General Anxiety So You Can Experience Greater Peace

How to Manage General Anxiety So You Can Experience Greater Peace

*This was originally written for Bayview Therapy.

The blog post, “How to Manage General Anxiety So You Can Experience Greater Peace”, was written to give the reader a better idea of what General Anxiety is and provide valuable tools to manage and prevent it. Read the full article here: https://www.bayviewtherapy.com/single-post/how-to-manage-general-anxiety-so-you-can-experience-greater-peace.

If you are suffering from anxiety, therapy can help you find the peace that is already within you. I genuinely care about you and want you to feel better. Therapy can help you find that inner peace you are searching for and feel like yourself again.

 

Learn more about my services.

Contact me to start therapy and start feeling better.

Learn more about David Schlagter

Posted by David Schlagter, LCSW in Anxiety
24
May
2022
How to Get From Anxiety to Peace

How to Get From Anxiety to Peace

*This was originally written for Bayview Therapy.

The blog post, “How To Get From Anxiety To Peace” starts out with reminding us that peace is within us. It is at the core of who we are. But it’s hard to experience that peace when we are feeling anxious. The blog helps us understand what is causing the anxiety and provides valuable suggestions on how to manage and overcome it so you can live the joyous and peaceful life you were intended to live. Read the full article here: https://www.bayviewtherapy.com/single-post/how-to-get-from-anxiety-to-peace.

If you are suffering from anxiety and struggling to find inner peace, therapy can help you find the peace that is already within you. I sincerely care about you and want you to feel better. Therapy can help you find happiness and feel like yourself again.

 

Learn more about my services.

Contact me to start therapy and start feeling better.

Learn more about David Schlagter

 

Posted by David Schlagter, LCSW in Anxiety
10
Mar
2022
Building Mindfulness into Your Daily Routine to Reduce Anxiety

Building Mindfulness into Your Daily Routine to Reduce Anxiety

So many people experience anxiety. There’s so much going on in today’s world – from hectic schedules, to social media and news, to the pandemic… it’s no wonder people feel overwhelmed. Mindfulness can be an incredibly powerful tool to help you manage your anxiety and feel better.

 

What Causes Anxiety?

Feeling anxious happens when you let thoughts take over. These thoughts are usually in some form of fearing something or wanting something. We can use thought to plan, make decisions, and take action, but anxiety happens when we don’t let go of worrisome thoughts. Anxiety comes from our thoughts – the way we are perceiving and processing what’s going on outside of us. Anxiety is not what is happening externally, whether it’s a relationship, the news, or your job. It is the way we think about those things. When we feel anxious, it’s because we don’t let go of troubling thoughts.

 

What is Mindfulness?

It’s a common misbelief to think that you can’t control your thoughts. But you can. Once we become aware of our thoughts, we can choose mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of staying away from thought and being fully aware. It’s pure observation. It is a conscious awareness of everything outside and inside of you, without having thoughts about it. Mindfulness is shifting your attention from constant thinking and worrying to your five senses. Gently place your attention on what you see, hear, taste, smell, and feel without thought. You don’t need thought to become aware of what you are sensing. Just notice it without thought.

 

How Mindfulness Reduces Anxiety

When thoughts go unchecked, it causes pain. We don’t have to think 100% of the time. When we need to think, we can actively make the decision to think and not let our thoughts control us. This ability to put thoughts aside and be in a state of awareness reduces anxiety, since we now know that anxiety is caused by intrusive thoughts that lead to emotional pain. Mindfulness allows you to be aware of your thoughts without getting pulled in by them.

Practice mindfulness before you are anxious. It’s easier to practice mindfulness when you’re not in an anxious state, and then when you are feeling anxious, you are prepared and have practiced so it’s easy to reduce your anxiety.

 

4 Easy Ways to Incorporate Mindfulness Into Your Everyday Routine

Tap into your 5 senses: what do you see, hear, taste, smell, and feel? When we place our attention completely on the senses and NOT on thinking, it keeps us balanced, centered, and reduces anxiety. Remember, thought is not a sense. Put aside your thoughts and be in a state of awareness. Try not to think, “I can feel this,” “This tastes like this,” “I see that.” That is still thinking. If you become aware that you are thinking, you have the choice to keep thinking, which can lead to intrusive thoughts that cause anxiety, or to shift your awareness back to mindfulness of what you are observing. When we become aware you can choose to not think and be mindful instead. It’s powerful.

Easy ways to incorporate mindfulness into your day…even with a busy schedule!

  1. Take 2 or 3 conscious breaths whenever you become aware of mindfulness or thoughts that are creating some form of unhappiness. A conscious breath is not necessarily a deep breath, it’s awareness of the breath. Keep your attention fully on the breath as it enters the nostrils and as it exits through your mouth. Notice the pause at the end of exhalation breath. Doing this many times during the day will help to keep you centered and balanced. 
  2. Look around. Just look – notice what you’re really looking at and just listen. Look out the window – look at the tree. Or if there isn’t a window near you, look at something inside – a vase, plant, or bowl of fruit. Let your gaze shift slowly so you can fully pay attention to what you see. Don’t have a thought about it – just be aware and observe.
  3. Take a moment to listen. What do you hear? Birds? The hum of an air conditioner? Silence? Listen to whatever you hear and keep your attention there. If you are thinking, “I hear this…” or “That sounds like that,” those are thoughts. Just be aware of what you are listening to without thinking about it.
  4. Eating. Before you begin to eat, take 2 or 3 conscious breaths. Then be fully aware of the taste, feel, and texture of the food. Be aware that your hand is picking up the fork, your arm is moving it to your mouth. We are so used to mindlessly eating while our brains are thinking non-stop about other things. Be aware of the whole process of eating. As soon as attention goes somewhere else, thought comes back in and we get dragged along with it. When you become aware that your thoughts took over, bring back your awareness to your food and what you are physically doing while you eat.

 

You Can Choose Inner Peace Over Anxiety

The more you practice mindfulness, the easier it is to let go of thoughts. You can have a quiet mind at will. When you choose to have a quiet mind you will no longer have anxiety. Be still. Realize your oneness with life and allow a whole new world to open up for you. When you suffer from anxiety, having a still mind is the best gift you can give yourself.

Posted by David Schlagter, LCSW in Anxiety