Are you and your partner arguing all the time?
It is common for couples to argue occasionally, but when it becomes so often you feel like you can’t have a calm conversation, it can be difficult to figure out what’s really going on underneath without the help of a therapist. When you get angry, the person on the receiving end gets angry, and you both get lost in a never-ending loop and don’t know how to get out of it. Couples counseling can help.
Anger is typically a mask for something else we are feeling underneath the anger, usually fear, sadness, or hurt. Couples counseling teaches you how to identify the fear or sadness, so you can get to the root of the pain. For example, if your partner spends too much money, you may not be necessarily angry about the money itself, but what is really happening is that you are afraid you won’t be able to pay the bills or have a safety net for your future. That anger is really coming from a place of worry, and when you can identify and express this instead of anger, your partner can hear and acknowledge your concerns much easier. In therapy you can learn how to work through the issues together, rather than fighting against each other.
Has your relationship become stale?
Even if you aren’t fighting, relationships can become stale and stagnant. After the end of a work day, you come back together and the conversation usually starts with, “How was your day?” When couples have lost the art of intimacy through communication, the response will be, “I did this and that, and then this happened…” Having the same old conversations day after day can be dull and boring and not allow for a deeper connection. When you go beyond surface level communicating and learn to communicate your feelings, it opens up everything. Our feelings are the core of who we are. Therapy teaches you how to communicate your feelings so you can connect with each other at a deeper level. Communicating on a feelings perspective allows for a much deeper bond to develop and a greater emotional intimacy.
How Couples Counseling Can Help
Couples counseling is about two people being able to talk effectively to each other. I work with couples who are dealing with a variety of issues, whether you are fighting all the time or barely talking to one another, not on the same page when it comes to parenting styles, or even if your relationship is going well and you want to make it even better.
Whatever your goal is for coming here, I’m here to help you accomplish that. What do you want to accomplish as a couple? Do you have different goals from your partner? Whatever is going on in your relationship that brought you here, together we can work through it. There will always be life challenges for us to deal with and learning to communicate with each other will help you overcome them when they arise.
Learn to Communicate Effectively
When people start couples counseling with me, someone will usually say, “We don’t communicate very well.” What is happening when you can’t communicate well? Good, effective communication is more about listening than it is about talking. When you learn to be less defensive and hold back from placing blame, it gives you the opportunity to genuinely listen to what the other person is expressing. When you listen to one another, it creates a deeper emotional intimacy and bond.
Couples counseling teaches you to develop the language you need to accurately express your thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, while being able to hear what the other person is saying. You’ll learn to express yourself in a way that the other person can hear and understand. Once you learn through counseling how to communicate, you’ll be able to work through any issue.